In a stunning revelation today two visitors from another planet were temporarily detained by the Secret Service at the White House gates and they had quite a bit to say. In the early morning hours of Thanksgiving day a small, spherical craft materialized out of thin air and according to witnesses proceeded to land just outside the main gate to the White House.
After landing gear deployed and the craft was safely on the ground a door opened and a stairway lowered to the concrete, upon which a creature not of this Earth descended. The E.T. was about 3 feet tall, had olive green skin with large dark eyes, an oval shaped cranium and what some may describe as a beer or pot belly. According to onlookers outside the gate the being was wearing a napkin around its slender neck and held a pair of chopsticks in one hand and a knife and fork clutched together in the three fingers of its other hand.
From the vantage point of the witnesses the being from another solar system began waving his arms in the air, pointing at the White House, then pointing at his ample mid section. The Secret Service agents at the gate scrambled to surround the craft and beings. One agent cautiously approached the alien with his sidearm drawn and pointed at the creature.
A second alien appeared at the top of the stairwell, took 2 steps and lost its footing, then somersaulted down the stairs landing right in front of the secret service agent who had his gun trained on the first alien. Two other agents drew their weapons as the first alien frantically waved his arms and pointed continuously at his belly and the belly of the other alien sprawled on the concrete driveway at the foot of the stairs. The second alien rose to its feet displaying a T shirt which read ‘Will time warp for cheese fries’.
The agents holstered their weapons after the second alien began speaking to them. According to one of the agents who was at the scene, the creatures were able to communicate in English and had apparently received some poor directions. Agent John Williams had this to say about the encounter, “The first alien looked agitated and presented an aggressive posture despite his small stature. Protocol in this situation is to draw your weapon and be prepared for anything. Once ‘Cheese Fries’ over there fell down the stairs we realized these two were not a threat and began discussions to discover their mission. “
After a brief back and forth with the aliens that occurred in a peaceful manner, their true purpose was flushed out. According to agent Williams, “Apparently ‘Beer Belly’ and ‘Cheese Fries’ were cruising a neighboring dimension and got a hankerin’ for some sliders. According to those E.T.’s those tasty little burgers have quite a few fans outside the Milky Way.”
The agent looked back at the White House with a barely perceptible smirk and continued, “So they pop on over to Earth through a wormhole and start the search for a White Castle restaurant. Beer Belly told us that Cheese Fries was navigating and I guess he did not do well in ‘identifying alien eateries’ class, because he plots a course directly for the White House. This is a bit ironic because I have it on good authority that P.O.T.U.S. happens to thoroughly enjoy a slider with brakes (cheese) on occasion. With the White House being the most famous white colored building in the country, if not the planet, and White Castle burgers being the favorite food of our intergalactic pals and their friends, I can maybe allow that they would investigate this place but come on man, do a bit more research. I mean these guys really raised the blood pressure of all agents on duty.”
In an exclusive BreakfastGravy interview and with permission of the Secret Service, Cheese Fries and Beer Belly gave their version of the events and how they unfolded. “We had been cruising around looking for new black holes to map, as a warning to fellow space travelers, for what seemed like a full light year,” said Beer Belly. ” Right after we almost got sucked into a whopper of a space drain, that’s what we call your ‘black holes’, the adrenaline spike made us so hungry we had to find something really tasty to eat.”
Beer Belly continued, “White Castle is craved by many species out in the Cosmos.”
“It’s those little onions man, they’re so dang sweet and tasty and with that White Castle mustard, oh boy,” said Cheese Fries with a tiny drop of drool appearing at the corner of his mouth. “Its like a small version of a Star Farfel but with meat!” Both beings rubbed their bellies at that comment.
“Any way this guy does some research [pointing at Cheese Fries] and assumed that the best food in this galaxy must come from the most powerful building, and its white in color, and it was convenient to locate so we figured it must be the home of the Slider,” said Beer Belly.
“We are truly sorry for the disruption, it was an honest mistake. Its probably better we didn’t find a White Castle. Its been said that those little burgers cause a great amount of gas, which can be tricky when flying one of our ships,” said Belly.
“As a matter of fact, the famous crash in New Mexico in your year of 1947 was caused by a late night run to Carl’s Jr. for chili dogs, Cheese Fires chimed in. “Flatulence can throw off our antimatter propulsion drives and those boys were blowing farts like wind through a train tunnel according to the warp recorder. I am surprised they were able to even get their ship on the ground without it exploding in midair. The last guy that flew after eating a big bowl of Texas style chili with beans blew up his ship while orbiting Jupiter and created a great red storm as a result. Let me tell you that red spot on Jupiter does not smell like roses, or noogle flowers either for that matter.”
The aliens were allowed to take off without further incident after the President had spoken to them inside and offered to order them some Taco Bell 5 layer burritos and nachos for their troubles. Once their food arrived they packed up and took off smoothly.
*Update Alert *
Roughly one hour after taking off from the White House grounds, the two E.T.’s were arrested at a highway rest stop after crashing into a highway billboard. The aliens were found in the bathroom of the rest stop surrounded by taco bell wrappers.
One witness said the smell coming from the restroom was as if a rotten egg had a baby with a dead fish.
The damaged billboard was an advertisement for Gas X.